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Poem : 1
Faiz Ahmed Faiz's Urdu poem "Mujh Se Pehli Si Mohabbat Mirii Mehboob Na Maang" : Click Here
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Analysis :
Reflection on Theoretical Frameworks
1. Roman Jakobson: Equivalence in Meaning vs. Form
Jakobson’s theory highlights the difficulty of maintaining both meaning and form in translation.
- Hindi Translation: Retains meaning and poetic form, as seen in "रेशम-ओ-अतलस-ओ-कमख़्वाब."
- English Translation: Focuses on meaning but sacrifices rhyme and rhythm (e.g., "silk, satin, and velvet" lacks poetic elegance).
2. J.C. Catford: Linguistic vs. Cultural Translation
Catford's framework shows how linguistic proximity affects translation.
- Hindi Translation: Easily conveys both linguistic and cultural nuances, such as "कूच-ओ-बाज़ार."
- English Translation: Struggles with cultural untranslatability; "streets and markets" loses the socio-political depth.
3. G.N. Devy: Decolonizing Translation
Devy stresses preserving cultural identity in translation.
- Hindi Translation: Maintains cultural markers like "खून में नहलाए हुए."
- English Translation: Dilutes cultural richness; "drenched in blood" lacks layered symbolism.
4. A.K. Ramanujan: Context-Sensitive Translation
Ramanujan emphasizes the importance of context in translation.
- Hindi Translation: Captures the poem’s socio-political and emotional essence, e.g., "अब भी दिलकश है तेरा हुस्न."
- English Translation: Focuses on readability, losing some cultural and contextual depth, e.g., "countless eras of brutal enchantments."
मुझसे पहले सी मोहब्बत, ए मेरी चाहत, मत माँग
मैंने समझा था कि तू है तो जग जगमगाता
तेरा गम है तो सारे संसार का दुःख क्या है?
तेरी सूरत से है संसार में बसंत का साया
तेरी आँखों के सिवा दुनिया में क्या रखा है?
तू मिल जाए तो मानो किस्मत ही बदल जाए
ऐसा नहीं मैंने सोचा था, बस यूँ ही कह जाए
दुनिया में और भी दुःख हैं, मोहब्बत के सिवा
सुख भी हैं और भी, तेरे मिलन के सिवा
कितनी सदियों से अंधेरे में, बेड़ियों में जी रहे
रेशम, कपास, सोने में बंधे, बाजार में बिक रहे
खून से लथपथ, धूल में मिल रहे
देखो ना, ये बीमार शरीर
घावों से लहूलूहान, ये दिल बेकरार
दुनिया में और भी दुःख हैं, मोहब्बत के सिवा
सुख भी हैं और भी, तेरे मिलन के सिवा
मुझसे पहले सी मोहब्बत, ए मेरी चाहत, मत माँग
> English Translation :
"Don't Ask for Love Like Mine, My Beloved"
Don’t ask for love like mine, my beloved,
I had thought the world would shine if you were there.
If you're sorrowful, what matter all the world's woes?
With your beauty, spring finds its permanent stay.
Besides your eyes, what else is there in this world?
If you were to come, my fate would be transformed,
I never thought this way, it just happened so.
There are other sorrows in the world besides love,
And other pleasures than the joy of your union.
For countless centuries, in the dark, barbaric gloom,
We've been made to wear silk, satin, and brocade,
Our bodies, paraded in streets and bazaars,
Battered and bruised, drenched in blood.
Look at these bodies, ovens of disease,
With festering sores oozing pus.
Turn your gaze this way, and see what’s left.
Your beauty still captivates, but what's the use?
There are other sorrows in the world besides love,
And other pleasures than the joy of your union.
Don’t ask for love like mine, my beloved.
Analysis :
1. Syntax, Sound, and Metre:
- Syntax: Both translations generally maintain the core sentence structures of the Urdu poem. However, adjustments were made to ensure grammatical correctness and natural flow in both Hindi and English.
- Sound and Metre: Preserving the exact meter and rhyme scheme of the Urdu poem in both Hindi and English was challenging due to the differences in the sound structures of these languages. The translators likely strived to maintain a similar rhythmic feel while adapting to the phonetic and metrical constraints of each language.
2. Lexicon, Grammar, and Semiotics:
- Lexicon and Grammar: Both translations use appropriate vocabulary and grammatical structures in their respective languages. The choice of words aims to convey the same meaning and emotional weight as the original Urdu words.
- Semiotics: Both translations attempt to capture the symbolic and metaphorical meanings of the original poem. The imagery of being bound in silk, cotton, and gold, which symbolizes the constraints and superficiality of the world, is effectively conveyed in both Hindi ("रेशम, कपास, सोने में बंधे") and English ("bound in silk, satin, and brocade").
3. Cultural Connotations and Collocations:
- Cultural Connotations: Both translations handle cultural connotations with care. Words like "चाहत" (love, desire) in Hindi and "beloved" in English are chosen to evoke similar emotional responses in their respective readers.
- Collocations: The translators have paid attention to natural-sounding word combinations in both Hindi and English.
4. Challenges and Resolutions:
- Challenges:
- Nuances of Language: Capturing the exact nuances of Urdu poetry, such as the play on words and the use of specific poetic devices, was challenging in both Hindi and English.
- Cultural Context: Some cultural references or allusions in the original poem might not have direct equivalents in either Hindi or English culture.
- Meter and Rhyme: Matching the exact meter and rhyme scheme of the Urdu poem in both Hindi and English was difficult due to the differences in the sound structures of these languages.
- Resolutions:
- The translators likely used creative paraphrasing and word choices to convey the essence of the original poem while maintaining its overall tone and message.
- Cultural references were likely adapted or explained to ensure they are understandable to the respective readers.
- Adjustments were made to the meter and rhyme scheme to achieve a similar rhythmic flow in both Hindi and English.
Examples:
- The phrase "मैंने समझा था कि तू है तो जग जगमगाता" (I thought the world would shine if you were there) in Hindi and "I had thought the world would shine if you were there" in English effectively convey the intense joy and hope associated with the beloved's presence, similar to the original Urdu.
- The imagery of "रेशम, कपास, सोने में बंधे" (bound in silk, cotton, and gold) in Hindi and "bound in silk, satin, and brocade" in English effectively conveys the feeling of being trapped and constrained, as in the original poem.
Theoretical Frameworks:
- Jakobson's Model: This model highlights the importance of the message, code, context, addresser, addressee, and contact in the translation process. The translators would have considered these factors while translating the poem into both Hindi and English.
- Catford's Model: Catford's model emphasizes the importance of formal correspondence and functional equivalence. The translations likely aimed to achieve both formal and functional equivalence to the original poem.
- Devy's and Ramanujan's ideas: These scholars emphasize the cultural and social context of translation. The translators would have considered the cultural differences between Urdu, Hindi, and English and aimed to create translations that resonate with the respective readers.
Hindi Translation:
- Syntax: Retains the sentence structure of the original poem but adjusts for linguistic flow.
- Sound and Metre: Poetic rhythm is moderately preserved; however, the rhyme is not consistent. For example:
- Original: “Turning and turning in the widening gyre”
- Hindi: “घुमावदार भंवर में फँसा संसार” (adjusted for flow but loses rhyme).
Gujarati Translation:
- Syntax: Adheres closely to the original, though Gujarati requires word-order changes for natural flow.
- Sound and Metre: Similar to the Hindi translation, rhythm is preserved to an extent, but rhyme is compromised. For instance:
- Original: “The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere”
- Gujarati: “લોહીની લહેર ઊભી થઈ રહી છે.”
Lexicon, Grammar, and Semiotics
Hindi Translation:
- Uses precise and culturally equivalent vocabulary like "रेशम-ओ-अतलस" (silk and satin) to reflect Yeats’s imagery.
- Some semiotics, such as “the falcon cannot hear the falconer,” are retained with near-literal translation.
Gujarati Translation:
- Lexicon includes culturally resonant terms such as “સાંસારિક ભંવર” (worldly gyre).
- Symbols like “shadow of indignant birds” are translated effectively but lose some metaphorical depth in “પડછાયાં.”
Cultural Connotations and Collocations
Hindi Translation:
- Retains cultural imagery that resonates with Indian audiences, e.g., “रेशम-ओ-अतलस” (silk and satin) aligns with luxury connotations in Indian culture.
- Complex Biblical references like “Bethlehem” are kept as is, limiting full cultural localization.
Gujarati Translation:
- Similarly maintains connotations familiar to Indian readers. Terms like “વિચિત્ર સ્વપ્ન” (strange dream) align with Gujarati cultural interpretation.
- Biblical references remain unchanged, which might distance readers unfamiliar with Christianity.
Challenges and Resolutions
Challenging Phrases:
- “Spiritus Mundi” is a culturally and linguistically complex term. Both translations retained it contextually without direct localization.
- “A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun” is difficult to preserve due to its abstract yet vivid imagery. Both translations simplify it.
Resolutions:
- Both tools opted for linguistic fluidity over literal accuracy, prioritizing emotional tone over rigid syntax.
Theoretical Frameworks :
Jakobson: Meaning vs. Form
- Both translations prioritize meaning, sacrificing form (metre and rhyme) for linguistic naturalness.
Catford: Linguistic and Cultural Challenges
- The Biblical references (e.g., Bethlehem) and symbolic phrases (Spiritus Mundi) present linguistic untranslatability. Both tools handled this by retaining the original words.
Devy: Decolonizing Translation
- Both translations incorporate local cultural imagery (e.g., connotations of luxury in रेशम-ओ-अतलस and સાંસારિક ભંવર), making the text more accessible to Indian readers.
Ramanujan: Context Sensitivity
- Both translations attempt to retain Yeats’s apocalyptic tone, with contextual adjustments (e.g., simplified metaphors for clarity in Gujarati).
1. Syntax, Sound, and Metre:
- Hindi: The Hindi translation generally maintains the sentence structure of the original, though some minor adjustments are made for better flow in the language. The metre and rhyme scheme are not strictly preserved. Hindi poetry often relies on different rhythmic patterns and internal rhyme schemes compared to English.
- Gujarati: Similar to Hindi, the Gujarati translation maintains the core sentence structure while making adjustments for smoother reading in the language. The metre and rhyme scheme are not strictly followed, as Gujarati poetry also has its own distinct rhythmic and rhyming conventions.
2. Lexicon, Grammar, and Semiotics:
- Hindi: The word choices in the Hindi translation are generally appropriate and convey the intended meanings. The grammar is accurate and reflects standard Hindi usage. The symbolic imagery of the "rough beast" and the "falcon" is effectively translated, though the specific connotations might vary slightly between cultures.
- Gujarati: The Gujarati translation also employs appropriate vocabulary and grammar. The symbolic imagery is translated effectively, capturing the essence of the impending doom and the rise of a new, potentially terrifying force.
3. Cultural Connotations and Collocations:
- Hindi: The translation effectively conveys the cultural connotations of words like "falcon" and "rough beast," although the specific cultural references might not be as direct as in the original. The phrase "turning and turning in the widening gyre" is translated metaphorically to capture the sense of cyclical decline and impending chaos.
- Gujarati: The translation effectively captures the cultural connotations of the imagery, even though the specific cultural references might not be identical to those in English. The metaphor of the "widening gyre" is translated in a way that conveys the sense of increasing instability and impending catastrophe.
4. Challenges and Resolutions:
- Both translations:
- Metre and Rhyme: The most significant challenge was likely preserving the specific metrical pattern and rhyme scheme of the original poem. This is because Hindi and Gujarati have their own distinct poetic structures. The translators likely opted for a more natural and flowing rhythm in the target languages.
- Cultural Nuances: While the core symbolic imagery is effectively conveyed, some of the more subtle cultural nuances might be lost in translation. For example, the specific connotations of the "falcon" and the "rough beast" might differ slightly across cultures.
- Untranslatable Words or Phrases: There might not have been any strictly "untranslatable" words or phrases. However, the translators likely had to find the closest equivalents in Hindi and Gujarati that conveyed the same meaning and impact.
Theoretical Considerations:
- Jakobson: Jakobson's focus on the equivalence between the source and target languages is evident in the efforts to convey the core meaning and impact of the poem. However, achieving full equivalence in terms of sound, metre, and cultural nuances might not always be feasible.
- Catford: Catford's emphasis on formal equivalence (matching linguistic forms) and dynamic equivalence (matching the effect on the reader) is relevant. While the translations might not achieve full formal equivalence, they aim for dynamic equivalence by conveying the same sense of dread and impending chaos.
- Devy: Devy's focus on the socio-cultural context of translation is relevant, as the translations need to consider the cultural and linguistic specificities of the target audiences.
- Ramanujan: Ramanujan's emphasis on the creative and interpretive aspects of translation is evident in the translators' choices to adapt the poem to the rhythms and conventions of Hindi and Gujarati poetry.